The Right of the Wrong Way

August 15, 2024

My sophomore-year history professor, Alan Kors, began the first lecture of his French Enlightenment seminar by letting us in on what was, he said, the secret to getting the best bang for the copious bucks we were spending on our educations:

Begin every class by deciding that the thing you want most is to be proven wrong.

I'm sure I wasn't the only student staring at Alan blankly. I should want to be WRONG? That makes no sense. Then he explained: Education IS offense. There is no shame in having been wrong, unless you shut your mind to that possibility. You want to come out of every educational experience righter than when you went in. Alan was happy—eager, in fact—to let class discussions get messy as we'd sort our way through the questions; the only sins were coming to class unprepared to make a case or refusing to consider evidence contrary to our own ideas. He relished those "ah-ha" moments as we came to understand something new, and he was even happier when we argued him into rethinking his own position.

I took Alan's "safe to fail" approach so much to heart that it helped form the basis for my parenting philosophy. The refusal to stigmatize being wrong not only made it easier to give my kids plenty of space to change their minds (or their tones!), but it has also made it much easier for ME to change course mid-stream whenever I realize I'm rowing in the wrong direction.

It's worth remembering, as we launch into a new school year, that education isn't actually about grades; it's about preparing young people to be able someday to sort through facts and work toward goals and change course when necessary during this messy, glorious thing we call life. As my husband David says: As soon as you realize you're wrong, you're RIGHT. And the easier it is to do that, the faster each of us arrives at the place we need to be.

—Deb